Thank you for your tribute to Portland. I want to tell you that I have only watched one episode. Your love for Portland is totally endearing but I think that you overlooked a few things (and probably my email - I've always wanted to be a comedy writer/performer).
The Real Housewives of Ladd's Addition:
Effortlessly fashionable and independently wealthy helicopter parents. I encountered a herd of these women in their natural habitat (Ladd's circle). A member of the stampede was walking a brand new puppy that was *very* happy to see a friendly face (mine). I asked politely if I could pet her dog to which my reply was an annoyed half-smile. I loved her puppy for a minute and (by accident) drooled on it (I'm not going to lie). I was mortified and so was Puppy's mommy. She quickly jerked the leash as if I was going to eat the delicious-looking morsel. I mean, I was hungry but I'm not a bottle bum for crying outloud.
Upwardly mobile middle-aged couples with adopted Asian babies:
While out for some pub fare with a few girlfriends, a family sat down at the table behind us. They (like many Portland families) proceeded to let their adorable preschooler (who happened to be adopted and Asian) run rampant around the patio weaving in and out of servers carrying trays loaded with heavy and intimidating pint glasses. I am not a hater of children, in fact I have two of my own. I disapprove of inconsiderate adults that let their kids have a sense of entitlement and overrun a restaurant. But I digress....The server patiently waited while the parents baited their daughter to order her meal. Eventually, mom ordered for her: a chicken breast with a side of avocado. Missing from this occasion was their cage-trained retired greyhound at home
The Super Duper Hipster Couple:
Devoted boyfriend arrives home from a night of raging with his homeboys with an array of food cart delicacies eager to please his depressed girlfriend. She is sitting on their overstuffed couch, legs folded underneath her. Boyfriend, with bags held up next to his big smile, says playfully "Who's your daddy???!!!!". Humorless girlfriend throws her self-help book to the side and screams "How many times do I have to tell you?? I don't know who my father is!!!".
Carrie and Fred (and Portland): This is not a hate letter. I like Portland. But my ambition is slowly dying. I wish that I could find a cozy corner to grow here.
Hearts and pega-corns.
ps: Carrie, I really miss Monitor Mix...oh, oh and Fred, I really love it when you and that funny woman on SNL do that thing where you make up songs. It makes my face hurt. I really love it...and Monitor Mix.
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